


In For a Penny

by crystalstockings



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Canon Compliant, Canon-Typical Violence, First Time, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Mild manga spoilers, This is actually very soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-14
Updated: 2020-07-14
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:29:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25251652
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crystalstockings/pseuds/crystalstockings
Summary: “Armin, I’m going to be blunt, that is pretty fucked up.”
Relationships: Armin Arlert/Jean Kirstein
Comments: 7
Kudos: 56





	In For a Penny

Jean’s tongue was stuck to the top of his mouth. He swallowed to saturate it, but it felt like there was a heavy rock lodged down his throat. 

How the hell had he found himself in this situation?

Armin was opposite him bound to a chair. He squirmed and the chair creaked in protest. There was little chance of him getting out of it, not without a knife hidden away or if he was willing to break a few bones. Jean’s breath hitch when their eyes met. Eyes as large and blue as the sky were wild and frenzied, silently pleading with him. The chair creaked again.

There was a tug in Jean’s stomach. He could do this.

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

“Come again?”

Jean looked up to Armin from his desk, mouth slack. The blond was standing, toying with a spare book Jean had on his desk, running his thumb over the paper. He wasn’t meeting him in the eye. In fact, he had barely made eye contact since he walked into his shoebox office. 

“You like men, don’t you?” Armin stated, still not meeting his gaze. Just thumbing through the pages of the book.

“I- Well- Yes. But- ah..” Jean leaned back and ran his hand over his face. Him liking men wasn’t a problem. It wasn’t a secret either; he and Marco weren’t exactly discrete during their training years. No, that wasn’t the problem.

“Armin, I’m going to be blunt, that is pretty fucked up.”

Jean felt a stab of guilt at the way Armin flinched. That was harsh, even for him. He sagged into his chair and made a gesture to the one opposite his desk. Taking the cue, Armin sat down and a silence hung between them. Jean inspected the other man in front of him, his whole face was burning and he wouldn’t stop flicking the book's pages between his thumb. The pages fluttered and slapped against each other before coming to a sudden halt. Then Armin did it again. Again and again. Jean wanted to throw the book out of a window. 

“Can I ask why?”

Armin shrugged. The tip of his tongue stuck out between his teeth and there was a light hiss as he tried to find his words.

“Agency, I suppose? To take ownership of, you know, what happened...” His voice dwindled as his eyes turned downcast once again. The repetitive flutter of paper started where Armin had left off. 

Jean mulled that over. He could understand it. Sort of. Still, it didn’t make it any less fucked up. It wasn’t in his realm of expertise, either. Any sexual activities he had engaged in was embarrassingly vanilla. It wasn’t like he ever had a wealth of time to explore that side of him. Or more accurately, he never made that time to explore that side of him. Unlike Armin here. 

But why him? Why, why why?

Thinking on it, it was probably the process of elimination that caused Armin to choose him. Eren would have been the obvious choice in another life, but he had been distant lately - even with Mikasa and Armin. Connie, as far as he was aware, wasn’t interested in men. Jean was fairly certain Armin didn’t like women, so that struck off half the population. He didn’t seem like the type to solicit random men either. So that left him: The man who witnessed Armin being assaulted. 

With the memory brought up, he lingered on it, made himself remember it. A welt of guilt bubbled his stomach as he recalled that day as a whole. He almost died but he didn’t. That was only because Armin killed for him. Which he never would have had to if Jean hadn't hesitated moments beforehand. 

The welt burst and he felt a stomach ache coming on. 

With one more heaving sigh, he leaned forward, resting his elbows on the desk.

“Armin.” The other man looked up, finally meeting him in the eye since he walked into the office. “I’m... open to the idea of doing this, but I can’t guarantee I will follow it through.”

“That’s fine!” Armin sat up straight in his seat. The blush on his face still vibrant, running down his neck and under his clothes. “If, um, you’re free now we could set up boundaries and signals for if one of us needs a time out or if one of us wants to end it-”

Jean listened to him attentively as he stuttered and rambled, explaining what he wanted. What he needed. How he wanted to be positioned and how he wanted Jean to act. It was enough to make any seasoned soldier blush. 

He was going to make this right, he decided, cheeks burning as he gripped his pen tightly. He was going to help Armin overcome this, through whatever fucked up means necessary. 

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

Jean approached Armin and looked down at him. He reached out and petted his hair. It was soft and smooth and always sat flat matter how many times you mused it. It reminded him of the silk Kiyomi showed them on her first visit. 

“You look so,” Jean’s racked through his brain to figure out how he could describe the sight in front of him, and sound like a convincing predator, “pretty?”

Jean internally cursed himself. That was not the tone he was going for. The blue eyes that peered up at him went from wild to questioning. 

He pushed on, moving behind him. He sat on the short stall that he had previously placed there, his chest almost flush to Armin’s back. Looking over Armin’s shoulder he could see the place where he would have sat during their kidnapping. He didn’t linger on that thought. He had a task to focus on.

Lightly he placed his hands on the shoulders and felt a jolt. He squeezed.

“Are you good?”

There was a single click from Armin’s bound wrists. One click for he was okay. Two for he needs things to slow down. Three for he wanted to stop. 

He squeezed the shoulders again and studied the back of Armin’s head. 

It had come to a shock, the first time he saw Armin’s short hair. The bob had almost become ionic as it was the style he spouted since their cadet days. Like with anything in life, Jean eventually came around to the shorter length. Even appreciate it. There was something strangely lewd about the close cut to the nape of his neck left it permanently on show. Probably because it had been hidden by blond strands for so many years. Most likely because Jean had never seen it up close in this context before. He ran his fingers through the longer strands before he tugged it to force him to further expose the side of his neck. He leaned down to kiss it softly. Armin shuddered.

Then he kissed it again and again and again. Lots of little butterfly kisses. So light and airy that it probably tickled a little. He could hear Armin breathing become harsher and the chair squeaked as he squirmed. 

“I wish you weren't gagged so I could hear your voice.”

That provoked a reaction that his kisses never could.

Jean rested his chin on Armin’s shoulder, lips next to his ear. 

“You’re far too dressed. I should have stripped you naked before I, we- um. Before we tied you up.”

He had rehearsed that line over and over in his head but he still seemed to have fucked it up. No time to dwell on it. Onwards.

He pawed at Armin’s front to grab at his flat chest until he found the buttons of his shirt. He undid some of them. Just the first few to expose his pale chest that was dusted with light, fair hair. He pulled the shirt far enough so it exposed two dusty pink nipples. He brushed his thumbs over them and Armin arched into them.

“You're sensitive here, huh?”

He held both between his thumb and forefinger to roll them. He felt the back of Armin’s head knock against his shoulder and the noise he made behind the gag was close to animalistic. Jean wasn’t sure if his nipples were as sensitive as he thought, or if it was just the fantasy that they played in.

He reached down between Armin’s thighs to feel the bulge growing there. He swore lightly. Armin really was getting off to this. 

“If only you could feel what you’re doing to me,” he murmured. It sounded like something he should say if he was some pervert taking advantage of a young hostage. Even if it made him sick. Like a disgusting freak that can’t keep their hands to themselves-

Jean pulled back, eyes trained on the back of the blonds head where the hair faded into the skin.

“I can’t do this.”

Armin strained his neck to look over his shoulder, eyes wide and a little watery. His face was flushed from the tip of his nose to the top of his ears. Jean suddenly felt even more guilty that he couldn’t just admire it. That he couldn’t suck this up and do something even though it’s difficult. 

The blond fidgeted in his seat, rubbing his shoulder against his mouth where the gag was in place. 

“Ah, sorry.”

Jean leaned forward to undo the gag and unceremoniously dump it on a side table. He made quick work of undoing the ties on Armin’s writs as the other man rotated and stretched his jaw.

“Sorry,” he repeated again.

“Don’t be, Jean.” There was a gentleness in Armin’s voice. “I should be, it is a lot to ask of someone. Especially for someone that was there...”

Jean glanced up from where he was now knelt in front of Armin, undoing one the ties, to see him worrying his lip. He was rubbing his wrist between his hands. There was already a light burn there. Jean silently cursed himself again. 

A long stretch of silence imposed between them as he finished undoing the tie and moved onto the last. What was someone supposed to say in a situation like this? Sorry I couldn’t help as I watched you get molested in front of me all those years ago, and now I can’t help you again as an outlet for that trauma? Fuck. Killing titans and overthrowing governments sounded like a breeze compared to navigating through this.

Armin remained seated so Jean remained kneeling on the floor. He felt the weight of a hand on his head as fingers threaded through his hair. He leaned into it, closing his eyes. 

“It's fine, Jean.” Hands cupped either side of his face and forced his head to tilt up. The look he was given was so soft, so forgiving, that it made the bubble of guilt rise higher and higher and higher so it was in his chest. He should be the one comforting. “And I'm sorry.”

Thumbs lightly brushed against his cheekbones as another silence settled between them. Jean stood out of his grasp.

“I should go.”

“No!” Armin exclaimed. So sharp and loud that it made Jean falter. “No,” he repeated, “you can stay.” It sounded like a plea. Jean chewed the inside of his cheek.

“Okay.” Staying, it seemed, was the least he could do.

Armin sighed, visibly deflating before he stood. “Let’s talk about this tomorrow, okay?” Blue eyes peered up at him through fair lashes. “I can tell you feel guilty, it is written all over your face. Don’t be. It was my fault for roping you into this.”

Jean almost wanted to laugh at the accidental bad pun. From the little quirk in the corner of Armin’s mouth, he had picked up on it as well. 

“Fine, but only if you promise to stop being guilty too.”

“Okay.”

He clapped his hand on the other's shoulder, if a little awkwardly. Despite what transpired - or almost transpired - between them, they were still friends and nothing more. Their relationship didn’t even skirt around being romantic or sexual. 

Sure, they had their fair share of messy drunk kisses. Normally as a dare or a joke with their friends cheering them on. It never lasted for more than a few seconds and Jean never gave it much thought after. It was just a bit of fun that wasn’t taken seriously. But that was all it was, good-natured fun. Nothing more, nothing less. Hell, he even kissed Eren once which was an experience he never wanted to live through again.

So it felt strange when Armin pulled him into an uncertain hug, wrapping his arms around his waist. Jean was certainly given plenty of opportunities to pull back, or to let it happen and keep it short and sweet. But he wasn’t that much of an asshole, so he wrapped his arms around Armin’s shoulders to hold him firmly. It was the right move. He could hear and feel Armin inhaling and exhaling deeply. Like he was guiding himself to soothe his anxiety. 

He squeezed the shoulders and his waist was squeezed back. They were holding each other tightly. Jean hadn’t realized how much he himself needed something like this. To hold something living and breathing for the pleasure of it. Without questioning eyes or demands from whoever needed him. It was, simply put, nice.

“Can I kiss you?”

He felt himself be pushed and held at arm's length. Armin’s brows were knitted together causing a crease between them. There was an intensity behind the gaze fixated on him. Heat bloomed across Jean’s cheeks and spread down his neck, but he didn’t shy away. 

“That is if you want to.” Jean quickly rectified. It was an inappropriate question to ask. At least, it felt like it right then. “We can work for a bit instead- or you can change your mind and I can go-”

“Jean.”

Jean quieted. 

“Kiss me,” Armin asked. So Jean complied. 

He bent down to kiss him square on the mouth, cupping his soft-featured face between his hands. It wasn’t fast, messy or deep. It was very different from any kiss they had shared before. Sweet and chaste. It made him feel lightheaded. The only thing he could focus on was the softness of his lips and the roughness of his jaw.They broke apart slowly, lips still in reach of each other with the tips of their noses bumping. 

“Go sit on the bed.”

He did because he couldn’t quite think straight with the buzz in his head. A drum of excitement thrummed in his veins. Faintly, he realised it was for the first time this evening. 

Eyes trained on Armin, he watched as he tucked the chair away and stuffed the rope and gag in a draw. Out of sight, out of mind. 

He welcomed the blond as he settled in his lap. The shirt was still undone so he kissed the centre of his chest. Fingers scratched the back of his neck that ignited a spark to shoot down his spine. 

“Your hair has gotten longer.”

Jean kissed between Armin’s collar bone.

“Yours has gotten shorter.”

He felt a tug on his scalp.

Their lips met again. Still chaste. They broke and rejoined. It was a little deeper. Armin bit his bottom lip and that opened the floodgates. They kissed like they were starved. Hungry for attention and the feeling of another person's warm body against their own. Jean rubbed Armin’s back and Armin’s ran his hands over his neck and shoulders. It had quickly become apparent this was turning into more than just a kiss. 

He unbuttoned the rest of Armin’s shirt before sliding it off Armin’s shoulders. Armin pawed at his chest and he was quick to catch on to what he wanted. He pulled back to undo the buttons of his own shirt so he could chuck it to the side. Both shirtless he made the move to close the distance between them again, but he felt himself be pushed firmly back. He landed on his bed with a soft thump and Armin towered over him. 

“Fuck.”

A finger ran from the centre of his chest and down his torso. He shuddered and his stomach tightened at the unsuspecting sensation. There was the familiar clench of arousal. 

“Sensitive?” There was a teasing note in his voice, echoing what Jean had said earlier. 

They kissed again, Armin hovering over Jean. He didn’t make a move to roll them over, letting Armin take the lead. He rubbed the back of Armin’s thighs as they rocked into each other as their kisses ventured elsewhere. Their necks. Their chests. Their shoulders. Kisses fluctuated between soft and hard. Bites and sucks. Whatever Armin did Jean mirrored until he felt the fingers thread into his hair and hold him still as a sensitive part of his neck was bitten.

“Lie on the bed and take the rest of your clothes off.”

Jean quickly kicked his trousers and underwear off before he settled on the bed, head on the pillow and his dick hard against his stomach. His eyes were trained on Armin as he watched him shred the rest of his clothes. His body was compact, years of training apparent even though he never quite reached the size the rest of them got. Not that it mattered. It was that brain of his that can cause far more damage than his body ever could. 

Jean spread his legs as Armin crawled on the bed. Hands grabbed his hips and he felt Armin’s bodyweight push them down. It made his dick throb.

“I really shouldn’t be surprised,” Armin stated

“Huh?”

He didn’t have time to dwell on the statement as Armin dipped down and kissed his stomach. Then the inside of his leg. His cock brushed against his cheek and Jean couldn’t pry his eyes off him. It looked scandalous. 

His hips jutted up as Armin took him into his hand and lazily began to jerk him off. 

“You look so good,” Armin murmured, voice taking on a sultry note. Jean recognised the look given to him as the one from earlier. The look where it seemed like Armin was intensely trying to figure out a puzzle; testing out each piece until he found the one that fit. “Tell me what you want.”

Jean’s brain felt like cotton, too occupied with the hand on his dick to form any thoughts

“I don’t mind, you can keep doing that.”

“This?” Jean gasped and his hips cantered up as Armin gently squeezed the head of his cock. “I think you need a better imagination, Jean-boy.”

Jean wasn’t too sure what to expect from Armin in bed, but it became very clear that he was the type of person to know what he wanted; whether that be tied up to play into an illicit fantasy or by shoving someone that had a few inches on him down onto the bed. He felt like prey. A mouse caught between the paws of a playful cat that couldn’t decide on what it wanted to do with its dinner.

He whined when the pressure left his cock and newfound pressure was on his chest as Armin sat above him. The other man’s cock was flushed and hard in front of his face. He licked his lips.

“You've done this before?”

Jean had a gander at what Armin ment. Yet the corner of his lips turned up into a smirk.

“Done what, Armin?”

The other man flushed above him.

“You know, sucked someone off?”

Despite himself, Jean still blushed hard. There was another tug of arousal in his belly.

“Yeah.”

He opened his mouth and let Armin slide in. He stayed rather shallow at first, letting Jean become accustomed to it. He was grateful for that as it had been a while. He rubbed the back of Armin’s thighs to encourage him to push deeper and deeper and deeper until he could feel him at the back of his throat. He gagged, eyes watering as his nose pressed against Armin’s pelvis. Blond pulled out to give him a second the breath before he pushed back into his mouth, creating a slow rhythm. 

When Jean felt a tear run down his face, Armin pulled out. A string of spittle connected his lips to the tip of Armin’s cock. He heard Armin swear above him in a tone so forrigern he wanted to hear it again and again until he became fluent. 

Armin made his way leisurely down his body one kiss at a time. Mouth slack, Jean felt Armin’s lips wrap around the head. His fingers threaded through the blond hair but he restrained himself. Showing the same mercy Armin gave to him. A groan rumbled at the back of his throat as Armin took him deeper and deeper, the heat of his mouth was ecstasy. The choking sounds almost tipped him over the edge. 

They continued like that, fumberling and exploring. Neither quite pushed each other over the edge until Armin had both of their cocks wrapped in his hand. Jean watched in wonder as Armin shuddered and curled forward, forehead pressed into Jean’s collarbone as he came with a few sweet sounds. Jean carried on where Armin left off, giving himself release as Armin kissed the side of his neck.

They laid in the afterglow, side by side, with Armin tucked under Jean’s arm. Their body heat made them stick together, but neither of them cared enough in that moment to pull apart from each other. Jean used his shirt to clean off the cum from their bodies. It needed to be washed anyway. 

He glanced down at the blond, gently combing his fingers through blond hair. Deft fingers drew lazy shapes over his chest. Already he was fondly thinking back on what transpired between them.

“What was that you said earlier, about not being surprised?”

Armin stirred and snickered.

“I don’t think you're going to like it.”

“Try me.”

“That you’re a princess in bed.”

“I’m not!” He spluttered, turning a shade darker. Armin laughed louder, pressing his cheek into Jean’s shoulder to look up.

“You are! Which leads me to say sorry again.”

Jean raised an eyebrow. Then it clicked. 

“Ah. Well, don’t be. It’s fine. I still agreed to it after all.”

“I should have taken your interests into account as well.”

Jean was sure he turned into the colour of Mikasa’s scarf. 

“Armin, please, it’s fine. I don’t mind being the instigator or tieing you up, or whatever, it’s just- ugh.”

He flopped his arm over his face so he didn’t have to look at him. He had been content to forget about the mishap earlier and enjoy the afterglow.

There was a beat of silence and he felt Armin roll onto his chest. He didn’t need to see him to guess that he was being intensely inspected. He probably also has his chin between his fingers. That little tic was such a giveaway. 

“You didn’t like being reminded of the time seeing me like that?” Jean grunted. “Or you didn’t like being in the headspace of a creep?” He grunted again. He wanted this conversation to, selfishly, be over. He was never one to take the difficult route. 

His arm was forcibly peeled off his face and he blinked blearily eyed up at Armin. He sighed.

“It’s both.”

“Both?”

“Don’t make me repeat myself again, Alert.”

There was a playful slap on his shoulder, but Armin’s expression was serious. Soft, but serious. A touch of concern that reminded Jean of the guilt that resided inside him. 

“If you don’t like it, then why did you agree?” Amin asked.

“I wanted to make up for not doing something back then. For not telling that pervert to stop as soon as he started.”

“That would have compromised the mission.”

“I didn’t even say anything after.”

“We had bigger problems to worry about.”

“That doesn't excuse me not checking in. We had plenty of downtime. To be frank, I was being a coward.”

They were lulled into quietness as they pondered on their words. 

Armin dropped his head down on Jean’s chest with a sigh, tucking himself under his chin. 

“In all honesty, I forgot all about it until months later. You know, it never felt like it ever happened to me? It’s like seeing Bert-” there was a stutter, and Armin quickly rectified his speech. “It’s like seeing the memories of another person. Just like everything else that happened to us; the killing, the murder, the constant threat of death. It’s never my memory…” He sunk deeper into Jean’s chest. “Sorry, I rambled a bit there.”

“Maybe we should start putting a coin in a jar each time one of us says sorry tonight.”

Armin snorted. Jean wrapped his arms around the slender waist, his hands resting on the small of his back. There was a tenderness here in their actions and speech that Jean couldn’t quite place.

“My opinion still stands,” Jean continued, “I owe you. Whatever you think my preferences in bed are, I did think I could follow through. But I just- fuck, I just couldn’t do it.”

“I forgive you.”

“I- oh.”

That’s it. Just three words. Like a pin it pushed into the bubble of guilt that resided inside him. It let the guilt inside expel so it wasn't so large. Still there, but it wasn’t pressing uncomfortably against his organs each time this conversation was brought up.

“Thank you,” he murmured against the crown of Armin’s head. He kissed it gently.

**Author's Note:**

> 8 years later and my second fic is another Attack on Titan fic haha


End file.
